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Sophie N

The Unbearable Weight of Grief: A Personal Reflection

Updated: Nov 30

Grief is a universal emotion that we all must face at some point in our lives. It is an uninvited guest that enters our lives, leaving a mark on our hearts. For me, this profound journey through grief began with the loss of a dear friend an experience that reshaped my life, altered my outlook, and forever changed how I view life.

The Unexpected Goodbye

The news of my friend's passing arrived like an unwelcome storm. The shock was unexplainable It was as if my whole world crashed in that moment. You know, that feeling when the ground just disappears beneath you? Yeah, that. The email was this unexpected messenger of heartbreaking. The pain of learning that my best friend of 20 years had passed away hit me like an emotional tsunami, instantly my body and mind numb. In a state of shock, I struggled to accept the gut-wrenching news, hoping it must be a cruel mistake or some twisted practical joke. The days that followed were a haze of disbelief, marked by a physical toll on my well-being. I lost a significant amount of weight, unable to eat,sleep move, sleep leaving me haunted by the the devastating reality.


Life After Losing my friend

Was a profound transformation within me. It forced me to confront the fragility of life in the face of such loss. I discovered an unexpected strength within myself. Coming to terms with the "Firsts" after losing someone are milestones like, the first birthday, the first holiday season. These moments without my best friend was like learning to walk again. Yet, with time, I discovered a resilience that allowed me to celebrate her memory even in the absence of her physical presence.


The Roller Coaster Of Emotions In Grieving

It is a complicated roller coaster of emotions. From shock and denial to anger and deep sadness, each feeling is a reminder of the impact my friend had on my life.  you're on the anger loop, screaming through frustration and resentment at the unfairness of it all. Next comes desperately trying to rewind time. Grieving is this crazy, unpredictable journey, and each twist and turn is a different emotion, a different step toward healing from the roller coaster that is loss.

 

My Outlook On Life changed

The painful truth of loss became a constant reminder to live more consciously. I embraced the present and let go of the anxieties about the future. The painful truth of loss a constant reminder to live more consciously. I embrace the present and let go of the anxiety about the future. Grief hit me like a wrecking ball and totally flipped the script on how I see things. It made me realise how short and unpredictable everything is. Suddenly, the small stuff didn't matter as much, and I started noticing the beauty in everyday things. Grief turned into this unexpected life coach, pushing me to ditch the drama and focus on what truly lights me up. I began appreciating the random laughs, the messy moments, and the people who bring colour to my world. It's not about moving on; it's about finding a way to dance with the pain. Grief shook up my whole worldview.

 
Redefining Relationships In the Aftermath Of Grief

Reflecting on my personal connections, I embarked on a journey of analysing each relationship with newfound clarity and insight. This newfound clarity not only enabled me to discern the genuine value of my relationships but also provided me with a deeper appreciation for human connections.

 
A Journey On Healing

Loosing my friend was a journey through grief, but it was also a journey of healing.Through the tears and laughter, the pain and acceptance, I discovered that the love we shared continues to shape my life, transforming grief into a reminder of the power of friendship. In navigating this profound loss, I've learned that healing is not about forgetting but about finding a way to carry the love forward.


Seeking Support In Unexpected

Places grief taught me the importance of seeking support, even in unexpected places. Whether through therapy, support groups, or simply reaching out to friends, acknowledging the pain and allowing myself to lean on others became crucial steps in the healing process.

 
Stages Of Grief

1. Denial The Initial Shock

The journey towards self-discovery and personal growth frequently commences with denial, a phase where the unpredictability of life can catch us off guard. The Power of Serving Others is a transformative force that can be awakened when unexpected challenges or hardships disrupt our sense of normalcy. It is during these moments that the universe seems to throw us a curve ball, leaving us in a state of absolute shock and disbelief. It's as if someone has pressed the pause button on reality, forcing us to pause and reflect on the sudden turn of events. In these moments, our minds struggle to make sense of the situation, and we may find ourselves questioning the very fabric of our existence. The experience can be disorienting, with our thoughts and emotions in disarray as we grapple with the new reality unfolding before us.


.2. Anger Unleashing the Emotion

As the reality of the loss sets in, anger may surface. This emotion, directed at oneself, others, or even the departed, is a common and natural response to grief. When faced with the overwhelming feeling of loss, anger can serve as a way to cope and make sense of the situation. It can manifest in various forms, from frustration and irritability to resentment and blame. Anger towards oneself may arise from feelings of guilt or regret, questioning decisions made or actions taken in relation to the departed. This self-directed anger can be a part of the grieving process as individuals navigate through complex emotions and thoughts. On the other hand, anger towards others could stem from a sense of injustice or perceived lack of support during the grieving process. I


3. Bargaining

The What-Ifs only bargaining is a stage marked by "what-ifs" and "if-only." It's attempting to rewrite history in hopes of changing the outcome. This concept a common human tendency to dwell on past events and imagine alternative scenarios that could have led to different results. It often stems from a desire to undo mistakes or regrets, creating a sense of longing for a different reality. The process of bargaining with oneself or others through these hypothetical situations can provide temporary solace or a sense of control over uncontrollable circumstances. However, constantly engaging in such mental exercises can also be detrimental, as it may prevent individuals from fully accepting the past and moving forward. It can lead to rumination, anxiety, and a perpetual cycle of questioning decisions or actions taken.


4. Depression

Depression in grief goes beyond simply feeling sad; it is a profound, soul-wrenching despair that can consume every aspect of a person's being. It is a complex emotional state that involves grappling with the reality of loss on a deep level. This process often entails facing a myriad of conflicting emotions, such as anger, guilt, and confusion, as one tries to make sense of the profound absence left by the departed loved one.


5. Acceptance Embracing The New Normal

Letting go doesn't imply erasing memories or pretending the pain never existed; instead, it symbolises a profound emotional healing process. It involves coming to terms with the reality of the situation and finding inner peace amidst the turmoil. Reaching a point of emotional resolution means accepting the loss as a part of your journey, recognising its impact on your life, and learning to carry it with grace and resilience. It's a transformative experience that allows you to honour the past while embracing the present and looking towards the future with hope and strength.

 
 

Please contact these organisations if you need support through your grief.


Samaritans 116 123 /jo@samaritans.org

SOBS (Survivors of bereavement by suicide)

Cruise bereavement line

Bereavement 08088081677

Mind helpline 03001233393 info@mind.org.uk

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